Shame and degradation. That was all I could feel after they left the planet. Then there was the dawning of something else. A cold fury. Fury towards Grayza, the most depraved creature it has ever been my misfortune to meet, fury towards the Peacekeepers Have I not given them of my best , dedicated my life to saving them and their culture? And toward Crichton? Anger for his betrayal which shattered my dreams and aspirations, yes. But I cannot hate him. He infuriates me beyond belief but there is something also that I admire in him. Perhaps it is his stubborness.

The brutality just for brutalitie's sake, that erased my loyalty per se. And Braca? I have always given him every consideration. I never suspected that he hated me so, was only using my position to further his own. Even my treatment in early life at the hands of the Scarrans seems somewhat tame in comparison. At least their harshness had a purpose. They were trying to make it possible for me to survive in a tough society. One which I was ill prepared to meet. Youth sees things differently, hence my escape, but now in retrospect I can see that there was a purpose to it, however crude it seemed at the time.

What to do now? The planet's priests have said I can stay to recover my strength, but have made it clear that my continued presence after that would be unwelcome.

"You will cause an unbalance in harmony. We wish to avoid further incursions from any hostile forces, whether Peacekeeper, Scarran or Nebari."

They have given me a ship of sorts. A small freighter, slow and rather old but it will suffice to get me to the shadow depository on Retaan. Prudently I split my assets, envisaging that at some period in my future I might encounter difficulties. I never thought that things would turn out like this. When I have funding I can refit the little ship, put in ex carrier engines, some armaments and shielding. I shall have to remember the practical skills, no techs to help me now. It will take my mind off the future.

I'm an extremely patient being. Grayza will fall into my hands one day and I shall be merciful, unlike her. I shall just end her miserable life. The High Command? Well I think that they will tumble without any help from me if they follow this foolish plan of appeasement towards the Scarrans. I am convinced that there was lying all round about the fate of my mother. I no longer think her dead and will attempt to find out further details.

Wormholes?

How they still fascinate me and I still see them as the only way to save the Sebbacian race and multudinous others including Humans from Scarran domination. If only John could see as I do. We would have a common goal! For the first time in my life I need an ally and so does he if only he would take off his blinkers and look at reality he would see the possibilities that we could achieve together.